I feel like the last couple years have been a long sojourn. Having been planted into a new culture and everything questioned, which I had ever believed to be true, was a good thing but a very trying time.
It was strange to be at a bible school where the students have a different perspective on God than what you ever thought existed. It's strange to be in a small-group with people who don't even half-way hold the same views that you do.
I don't want to say that God is a totally different God over here. What I mean is that I had to get to know God all over again... I think I just really had to get to know God. It took about 6 years to begin knowing God again and even now, I "know" I'm only at the beginning. Many things I always believed to be true, things I even though I had to discard here in Germany in order to be “relevant”, I am learning to pick back up and claim as truths for my own life.
Often I've felt very alone and misunderstood. It's perhaps odd to some. Yes, I have a wonderful wife and family here; there are certain things though, certain ways of communicating the deepness of the faith, which have been lost to me ever since I got here. This is normal and definitely a common experience of all missionaries. The only thing with me is... I'm not sure if I am a missionary, at least not in the classical since. I may be from another culture, but I have chosen to make the German culture my own. I married my Kristine and received the most perfect woman in the entire world for me. The Lord called me to Germany and placed my wife at my side to tutor, to teach, to give a look behind the curtain of being German. Although this has been very valuable to me over the last seven years, I still remain impeded in my spiritual interaction with others. (And I often through Kristine’s advice to the cats. Sorry sweetie).
It's strange how deeply one's mother tongue speaks to the heart in ways a second language never will. I pray that God would release me from this dependence upon the English language, but the longer I'm here the more I realize just how dependent upon this language I still am.
Recently I began searching the web for English sermons. I wanted to hear the language, to let the word of God pierce my heart like it once did. I found the website of the church where I grew up, and where I still feel attached to as my "home-church” although I have no home (four walls) there. I started downloading sermons from Scott Reavely (the senior pastor) and at once I felt like I was at home, in the pew (if there are even pews anymore). It was a sweet balm for my soul! And don't worry; Rev. Reav is not your "feel good" preacher. He's preaching stuff that you've really got to chew on. My heart said: "This is the good stuff that you need to be thinking about. Take hold of this and internalize it. Let God be alive in you for a German Church".
I don't necessarily see myself coming back to the states. Just realizing that if I am going to be any good as a pastor in Germany, I need to give up my idea that I have to be German. I am American with all the bad and the good sides. My past is not all bad. The teachings of the scripture and the godly life that I learned as a child are costly above all else. I truly grew-up in a bath of godly wisdom. On the other hand, my past is filled with pride in my ability to be the center of attention. The one who can bring a crowd to laughter and console those in need, to think up and say profound things.
I sat in an elders and deacons meeting today and found myself searching for the right words to explain a certain issue. I had to ask for help twice, even though I really don't have a problem using the German language. I can actually speak it quite well. Nevertheless, the Lord uses it daily to show me how much I think of myself above Him. How much I count on my ability to explain an issue, or bring a convincing argument, over His ability to speak with His Spirit words of truth.
I'm learning a lot...but learning isn't fun. Was really encouraged to stay the course the last couple days. All because of some blessed sermons from the place where the shadow of my home rests.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Heart is full
Learning a lot about church and God's vision for the church. In the last months I've been fighting with the prospect of perhaps being in the wrong place. Or at least that my time here at the church I'm at, could possibly be over.
Have you ever spent a period of time praying for something, pleading God to reveal Himself and His will into your life and present situation? After doing so, have you ever received an answer, which you meant to be the will of God? Maybe it was even a vision, or a coincidence that was so right on that it could no longer be a coincidence? That's what happened to me recently. I really believed to have received a word from God, telling me to pack out things and leave the church. I was so sure that I even quit the job at the church I had. After quitting, the elders and I agreed to give the final decision another week and a half in order to pray together and seek the will of God in the matter. I wasn't expecting this response from them. I was pleasantly surprised and thoroughly enjoyed meeting with a couple of the elders of the last week, to repent of sins together, pray together and forgive one another. I saw the Holy Spirit moving in such incredible ways in their lives, as well as in our relationships. By the end of the week and a half, I realized that this group of elders is exactly the kind of men and women I am looking for to lead a church with. Men and women who are prepared to count on the grace and forgiveness of the pure blood of Christ to carry them through thick and then. In the end, it all boiled down to an inability to communicate freely to each other. Wow! To think: we were on the verge of walking away from a beautiful story, a story where God's bride is made ready for her wedding day, all because of a lack of communication. Not a lack of spiritual maturity, or a lack of God being able to lead this church down the right path. No...nothing more than poor communication. (For all the people who don't know why they're talking basic communication techniques in college).
I’m learning a lot about love and the church through this whole process. And somehow the whole post-modern emergent church discussion became meaningless the moment I was sitting on the couch with the oldest Elder of our church, Eduard Baumgärtner. As we spoke and repented the sins of our heart toward each other, and we both became emotional, I began to think: this is as post-modern as it gets.
If you want to be emergent or post-modern in your faith…find the oldest person of your church, look them in the eye and say…”I love you and I want to get to know who you are, what made you become a Disciple of Christ? What made you stick it out? What do you think of the church today? How can I serve you in my youth? How can I let you know that despite our differences in age, that I want to be your strength in this race, which we are running together.”
That should just about qualify to open your heart to the wildest ride you will ever begin. From that moment on, it will never end.
Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. I can do everything but not everything serves good. (1.Corinthians 6:12 and 10:23) I have to think about what I can do in order to serve not only the youth but the old as well. If I’m not, I’m just doing what is permissible (no one is going to lock me up for it), but long term it’s not going to be beneficial for anyone.
Youth Work is wonderful. It needs to be done. However, only as another integrated part of the Church as a whole, encompassing all age groups. Whenever a generation separates itself from the congregation at large it becomes orphaned. God gave us the elderly to learn from. Of course they are going to make mistakes and have fears that may lead us away from the course God wants us to be on. But the young often dive too quickly into situations before counting the costs. The elderly are brittle and brake easily. The young are inexperienced and easily led astray. We all have our problems, which lead us away from God’s plan with our lives. Together, we can extol each other to the way of Faith, Hope and Love, to walk with Christ on His path of Wisdom and keep each other from swaying to the right or the left.
In the last week and a half I have seen all this. In the last week, each generation was there in order to serve the other. The old challenged the young to rethink their inconsistency. The young challenged the old to brake free from their traditions. And those in between called for justice and righteousness.
I stand amazed and the beauty of God’s church. At first glance she’s really kind of plain. Nothing spectacular about her. The sick, the hungry, the tired, the poor, the needy, the homeless, the helpless and even those who know their sinners come and meet there where she (the church) is. The interesting thing is that I have seen God change these people into new people that seek a passion for His thing in their lives. But these people need strong leadership that isn’t going to back down, while they’re on the road to becoming new.
I wasn’t expecting it, and until a week and a half ago I never really thought it would be possible, but I see now that the leadership of this church is the kind of leadership, which is prepared to stay the course God has set out for her, to make the Bride ready for the great feast. I have been watching the elders of the last few months and I see now what before I could not. The Holy Spirit has been working a change in their lives that can only be explainable by His power.
I give thanks to the God of Glory, awesome in Grace and compassionate in Love, who works our means to meet His ends. His is Good and unreckonable. With that I mean He’s always about doing His thing. Even when you’re in a land, where you swear His thing can’t be done.
I know…you’ve all read it before. I just had to write it, because I lived it.
Have you ever spent a period of time praying for something, pleading God to reveal Himself and His will into your life and present situation? After doing so, have you ever received an answer, which you meant to be the will of God? Maybe it was even a vision, or a coincidence that was so right on that it could no longer be a coincidence? That's what happened to me recently. I really believed to have received a word from God, telling me to pack out things and leave the church. I was so sure that I even quit the job at the church I had. After quitting, the elders and I agreed to give the final decision another week and a half in order to pray together and seek the will of God in the matter. I wasn't expecting this response from them. I was pleasantly surprised and thoroughly enjoyed meeting with a couple of the elders of the last week, to repent of sins together, pray together and forgive one another. I saw the Holy Spirit moving in such incredible ways in their lives, as well as in our relationships. By the end of the week and a half, I realized that this group of elders is exactly the kind of men and women I am looking for to lead a church with. Men and women who are prepared to count on the grace and forgiveness of the pure blood of Christ to carry them through thick and then. In the end, it all boiled down to an inability to communicate freely to each other. Wow! To think: we were on the verge of walking away from a beautiful story, a story where God's bride is made ready for her wedding day, all because of a lack of communication. Not a lack of spiritual maturity, or a lack of God being able to lead this church down the right path. No...nothing more than poor communication. (For all the people who don't know why they're talking basic communication techniques in college).
I’m learning a lot about love and the church through this whole process. And somehow the whole post-modern emergent church discussion became meaningless the moment I was sitting on the couch with the oldest Elder of our church, Eduard Baumgärtner. As we spoke and repented the sins of our heart toward each other, and we both became emotional, I began to think: this is as post-modern as it gets.
If you want to be emergent or post-modern in your faith…find the oldest person of your church, look them in the eye and say…”I love you and I want to get to know who you are, what made you become a Disciple of Christ? What made you stick it out? What do you think of the church today? How can I serve you in my youth? How can I let you know that despite our differences in age, that I want to be your strength in this race, which we are running together.”
That should just about qualify to open your heart to the wildest ride you will ever begin. From that moment on, it will never end.
Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. I can do everything but not everything serves good. (1.Corinthians 6:12 and 10:23) I have to think about what I can do in order to serve not only the youth but the old as well. If I’m not, I’m just doing what is permissible (no one is going to lock me up for it), but long term it’s not going to be beneficial for anyone.
Youth Work is wonderful. It needs to be done. However, only as another integrated part of the Church as a whole, encompassing all age groups. Whenever a generation separates itself from the congregation at large it becomes orphaned. God gave us the elderly to learn from. Of course they are going to make mistakes and have fears that may lead us away from the course God wants us to be on. But the young often dive too quickly into situations before counting the costs. The elderly are brittle and brake easily. The young are inexperienced and easily led astray. We all have our problems, which lead us away from God’s plan with our lives. Together, we can extol each other to the way of Faith, Hope and Love, to walk with Christ on His path of Wisdom and keep each other from swaying to the right or the left.
In the last week and a half I have seen all this. In the last week, each generation was there in order to serve the other. The old challenged the young to rethink their inconsistency. The young challenged the old to brake free from their traditions. And those in between called for justice and righteousness.
I stand amazed and the beauty of God’s church. At first glance she’s really kind of plain. Nothing spectacular about her. The sick, the hungry, the tired, the poor, the needy, the homeless, the helpless and even those who know their sinners come and meet there where she (the church) is. The interesting thing is that I have seen God change these people into new people that seek a passion for His thing in their lives. But these people need strong leadership that isn’t going to back down, while they’re on the road to becoming new.
I wasn’t expecting it, and until a week and a half ago I never really thought it would be possible, but I see now that the leadership of this church is the kind of leadership, which is prepared to stay the course God has set out for her, to make the Bride ready for the great feast. I have been watching the elders of the last few months and I see now what before I could not. The Holy Spirit has been working a change in their lives that can only be explainable by His power.
I give thanks to the God of Glory, awesome in Grace and compassionate in Love, who works our means to meet His ends. His is Good and unreckonable. With that I mean He’s always about doing His thing. Even when you’re in a land, where you swear His thing can’t be done.
I know…you’ve all read it before. I just had to write it, because I lived it.
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