Unexplainable

I look at my little boy and I can't explain how unexplainable the love for him is. He likes to sort out our collection of Data CDs that we really don't need anymore. Lots of Printer Drivers and old Operating Systems from Windope.

Right now he's sitting on his "throne" eating an apple. All by himself. Slowly he's starting to feel less and less like he belongs to us. More and more as though he is his own little person. Doing what he wants to do. Going to the places where he wants to go. The good thing though about this stage in his life right now is, he always gets to the point of needing to come over to one of us for assurance. He wants us to be involved in what he's doing. I know that even that will change. But for now it is my greatest joy to be his dad. Being there for him when he needs me. Idealistically, I always want to be able to be there for him. Realistically, I know that I will let him down often. God be gracious and merciful to me.

He's amazing! Whenever he gets a piece of apple skin or the piece of apple he bites off is too big, he just spits it out and keeps right on going. He just came that way. We didn't even have to install that feature. ;-) I really enjoy spending time with him.

I'm realizing more and more what my role is in God's Kingdom work. At least for now. Starting to hear, to what type of ministry God has been calling me. It doesn't really change my job at all. Just gives me confirmation in the work that my spirit already knows it should be doing. I've been listening to people too much. Been listening to my own heart too much. God did not not make himself into man, (something totally illogical and fantastic) in order to give us a logical, well ordered, definable Christianity. No, he called us to give up our lives, if we are to find them. Something, which really makes no sense at all. That's why it's impossible for someone who is truly being led by the Spirit of the Holy God, to be taken off the course of the Holy God. In fact I would even go so far as to say: if you can be taken off the course you think you're on for God, then it wasn't God's course to begin with.

He guides and directs. Even when the path becomes illogical and too painful to bear or understand.