Well I walked the green mile and I lived to tell about it. Now I just have to wait and see what I get for a grade.
Really trusting God's grace in this time. There's so much going on. I don't have time to be all the places I really need to be. Doing all the things I really need to do. It's good though. I see that even the littlest of responsibilities are held in God's hand and his supreme will.
I am realizing how unrealistic I actually am often. I define what I can and cannot do by what I see. Happy for the time I'm not living, where I can't see much of anything! Truly a blessing.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
English Test
I feel like I'm waiting for my execution. Sitting in the University library a half hour before my first big test. It's an English test. One might think I would be able to handle it, no prob. It's a linguistic and English teaching methods test. I didn't grow up understanding complicated syntax structures and how best to teach someone how to speak English. So I've had to learn as much as my fellow German classmates. It's also my first test at a German University. Not sure what is awaiting me. Everyone says it's going to be fine. I don't know if this is just positive talk or if it's really going to be a piece of cake.
The sun is setting. A beautiful array of colors painted across the death-cold January sky, contributing quite well to my association with execution.
Well, I need to be off. Find my seat and all. I'll write again tonight and let you know how it went. Don't worry. I'm making it much more dramatic than it is.
And, I was thinking about my post from last night. If someone were to read it, who has no interest in God or loyalty to him, it wouldn't make much since. So I would like to respond to this point of view. I'll be posting a more thorough response, the moment I get a chance.
The sun is setting. A beautiful array of colors painted across the death-cold January sky, contributing quite well to my association with execution.
Well, I need to be off. Find my seat and all. I'll write again tonight and let you know how it went. Don't worry. I'm making it much more dramatic than it is.
And, I was thinking about my post from last night. If someone were to read it, who has no interest in God or loyalty to him, it wouldn't make much since. So I would like to respond to this point of view. I'll be posting a more thorough response, the moment I get a chance.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Ethics
Currently Reading: Success in English Teaching by Davies and Pearse
Challenged today in Ethics, to think about what is specifically "Christian" in a biblical ethic. I've been thinking about this question all semester. Trying to look at it from different aspects. Came to the conclusion that if there is nothing exclusively Christian to my ethic, it's just another world view.
Was reading a blog from a friend of mine http://www.xanga.com/germanpancake , he brings up a good point regarding the fear of God. Some people criticize for using the word fear in connection with an all-loving God. To be honest, I think our generation could stand to be scared shitless. I'm not talking about terror. I'm talking about a supernatural instilled fear of the almighty. You know you're in a western country, whenever you can actually ask the question at a place of higher education: "Is there anything specifically Christian to the Christian Ethic?"
Truly, it is a good thought-tickler. But I'm done laughing. The shift of focus of the Church at large, to the more compassionate and fatherly aspects of God, were never meant to replace the almighty, holy, righteous, just and down right scary attributes of God.
If we are to appreciate, or even be motivated to give the love we have received, we must understand what we have rightfully earned. In the presence of that knowledge we need to tremble. Our heart will lead us down many a misguided path, if we're not trembling and serving. A healthy fear of God comes from recognizing His sovereignty, in the face of considering ones’ salvation. It is His gracious invitation to come, and your desperate yearning to belong to Him, which make you fear Him. If you don’t really want Him than leave it. Believing in God is not a hobby and we really don’t need any more benchwarmers in our already cozy god-loves-you, god-loves-me churches.
God is 100% gracious. But he’s not a pushover. That's the basis for a Christian Ethic: God and His sovereign will (not yours) in your life.
Challenged today in Ethics, to think about what is specifically "Christian" in a biblical ethic. I've been thinking about this question all semester. Trying to look at it from different aspects. Came to the conclusion that if there is nothing exclusively Christian to my ethic, it's just another world view.
Was reading a blog from a friend of mine http://www.xanga.com/germanpancake , he brings up a good point regarding the fear of God. Some people criticize for using the word fear in connection with an all-loving God. To be honest, I think our generation could stand to be scared shitless. I'm not talking about terror. I'm talking about a supernatural instilled fear of the almighty. You know you're in a western country, whenever you can actually ask the question at a place of higher education: "Is there anything specifically Christian to the Christian Ethic?"
Truly, it is a good thought-tickler. But I'm done laughing. The shift of focus of the Church at large, to the more compassionate and fatherly aspects of God, were never meant to replace the almighty, holy, righteous, just and down right scary attributes of God.
If we are to appreciate, or even be motivated to give the love we have received, we must understand what we have rightfully earned. In the presence of that knowledge we need to tremble. Our heart will lead us down many a misguided path, if we're not trembling and serving. A healthy fear of God comes from recognizing His sovereignty, in the face of considering ones’ salvation. It is His gracious invitation to come, and your desperate yearning to belong to Him, which make you fear Him. If you don’t really want Him than leave it. Believing in God is not a hobby and we really don’t need any more benchwarmers in our already cozy god-loves-you, god-loves-me churches.
God is 100% gracious. But he’s not a pushover. That's the basis for a Christian Ethic: God and His sovereign will (not yours) in your life.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Relax
Currently Reading:
I'm having those feelings one has whenever they've been sitting too long reading and looking at a computer screen. Suddenly, I begin longing for vacation. To sit down with good historical fiction in my hand and just let my fantasy be taken to another time and place. Things for which I never had time, before starting to study, I find myself making time for. I know I have a lot I still need to get done, but I'm just not interested now. I'd like to have a week off, or a month.
On the other hand, paradoxically I am really enjoying what I'm learning. It's all fascinating stuff. (For me at least). I think I'm going about the whole thing a lot better this time than when I was at Warner. I realize there's a lot to do in life and I'm trying to take studies a little less seriously than I used to. It's important to get the most out of the time, but not at the sacrificing of the most important things.
As I say this, my wife is sitting with her parents sipping tea and the lame duck husband is reading English teaching theory books. I guess that's it. That's why I named the site "fire and ice". There's a balance to life. As much as I'd like to be everywhere, doing everything I always said I would, I can't.
Seeing God today as the wonderful purifier. Heard a good sermon and some wonderful comments from people, about what God's doing in their lives. It's good to hear of the sweet oil of the Spirit in the lives of friends and family. It soothes my soul.
I'm having those feelings one has whenever they've been sitting too long reading and looking at a computer screen. Suddenly, I begin longing for vacation. To sit down with good historical fiction in my hand and just let my fantasy be taken to another time and place. Things for which I never had time, before starting to study, I find myself making time for. I know I have a lot I still need to get done, but I'm just not interested now. I'd like to have a week off, or a month.
On the other hand, paradoxically I am really enjoying what I'm learning. It's all fascinating stuff. (For me at least). I think I'm going about the whole thing a lot better this time than when I was at Warner. I realize there's a lot to do in life and I'm trying to take studies a little less seriously than I used to. It's important to get the most out of the time, but not at the sacrificing of the most important things.
As I say this, my wife is sitting with her parents sipping tea and the lame duck husband is reading English teaching theory books. I guess that's it. That's why I named the site "fire and ice". There's a balance to life. As much as I'd like to be everywhere, doing everything I always said I would, I can't.
Seeing God today as the wonderful purifier. Heard a good sermon and some wonderful comments from people, about what God's doing in their lives. It's good to hear of the sweet oil of the Spirit in the lives of friends and family. It soothes my soul.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Now I'm the one
It’s so easy to criticize. Now I’m the one sitting here wishing someone would say something encouraging to me. Feel myself overwhelmed by the load of work in front of me. Tests starting next week and I’m very far behind. I don’t like being in the position of failing. But then who does? I thought I was doing something good by taking so many classes. Trying to get as much out of the way as possible before the baby comes. Now I think it would have been better to take it slower. I guess I still learn the hard way.
This realization though is in itself very encouraging. I see that I’m being brought to look at the way I structure my life, and change it. I cannot continue throwing my life away with needless hours of work and no play as I used to do. I have many other responsibilities now that need to be considered as well.
Here I am sitting in my cubbyhole, and I’m experiencing the cosmic force of God moving through my life and effecting change. It’s revolutionary to my soul! I think I might possibly fail some of my exams and have to repeat a bunch of courses. I may even continue to press all this information over the next few days into my head and not succeed. I’m not awaiting a miracle on test day. I’m awaiting something much deeper. And I think I’m in the process of receiving it. I’m awaiting a new way to think altogether.
I want to be changed. Not what I do, but how and why I do it. And I want this change to be complete, perfect and constantly on the move. I want to be changed and I feel I already have been. To realize the change, is to cross the threshold into the becoming that can never end.
Want to refer of myself from now on, not as in the process of change, but of “becoming”. It may sound like splitting hairs but I think, if you take the word “change” to its natural conclusion it makes since. Change is an action that has a beginning and an ending. “Becoming” on the other hand, is a process with no defined end. It has it’s beginning in the “change”, but it’s end is indefinite.
Are you becoming? Or are you always changing? I think we prefer the “change” because as long as we’re changing we have an excuse to never “become” anything.
I’m becoming!
This realization though is in itself very encouraging. I see that I’m being brought to look at the way I structure my life, and change it. I cannot continue throwing my life away with needless hours of work and no play as I used to do. I have many other responsibilities now that need to be considered as well.
Here I am sitting in my cubbyhole, and I’m experiencing the cosmic force of God moving through my life and effecting change. It’s revolutionary to my soul! I think I might possibly fail some of my exams and have to repeat a bunch of courses. I may even continue to press all this information over the next few days into my head and not succeed. I’m not awaiting a miracle on test day. I’m awaiting something much deeper. And I think I’m in the process of receiving it. I’m awaiting a new way to think altogether.
I want to be changed. Not what I do, but how and why I do it. And I want this change to be complete, perfect and constantly on the move. I want to be changed and I feel I already have been. To realize the change, is to cross the threshold into the becoming that can never end.
Want to refer of myself from now on, not as in the process of change, but of “becoming”. It may sound like splitting hairs but I think, if you take the word “change” to its natural conclusion it makes since. Change is an action that has a beginning and an ending. “Becoming” on the other hand, is a process with no defined end. It has it’s beginning in the “change”, but it’s end is indefinite.
Are you becoming? Or are you always changing? I think we prefer the “change” because as long as we’re changing we have an excuse to never “become” anything.
I’m becoming!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Blogs
Sometimes you gotta ask yourself the question: What's with all the blogs? I often find myself trying to read each blog from all my friends. While doing it I see blogs from friends of my friends and think I need to read theirs as well. It's madening. I think that's one of the reasons I have only told one person so far my actual blog address. Not sure if I really want to either. I wonder how long it will take before anyone sees this blog.
What's the point really of having a blog?
Spoke with this guy I met at University. I told him, I think it goes hand in hand with the idea of finding a forum to present oneself. To be personal, deep, open and intimate. To leave superficiality and embrace honesty. He looked at me and said: "I don't like all that. It's too personal for me. I just want my friends to be able to keep up with what I'm doing and me with them."
I found this to be really honest and it made me think about my motivation for having a blog.
I'm searching for something. Sometimes I make this search too serious. I'm not trying to get people to come with me. For me writting is a way of searching. To know that it's all being recorded is somehow interesting. It gives me a goal. Makes me stay focused. I know that someone, someday, might have a look at this. Or maybe I will look back on all I've written. Will I have made progress. Will it be aparent to what goal I was headed?
Or will I be another overly serious blog, with no relevance to life whatsoever?
I think my problem is that I cant stand pure entertainment. I want to be someone who thinks. Someone who doesn't get themselves tied up in thought-circles.
I don't want to make pain and dissapointment into a bigger deal than they are. And I don't want to confuse good times and success for some devine blessing.
I am a man. Lavished with something I could not earn, that I might gain what I can never lose. And that is just kicken!
What's the point really of having a blog?
Spoke with this guy I met at University. I told him, I think it goes hand in hand with the idea of finding a forum to present oneself. To be personal, deep, open and intimate. To leave superficiality and embrace honesty. He looked at me and said: "I don't like all that. It's too personal for me. I just want my friends to be able to keep up with what I'm doing and me with them."
I found this to be really honest and it made me think about my motivation for having a blog.
I'm searching for something. Sometimes I make this search too serious. I'm not trying to get people to come with me. For me writting is a way of searching. To know that it's all being recorded is somehow interesting. It gives me a goal. Makes me stay focused. I know that someone, someday, might have a look at this. Or maybe I will look back on all I've written. Will I have made progress. Will it be aparent to what goal I was headed?
Or will I be another overly serious blog, with no relevance to life whatsoever?
I think my problem is that I cant stand pure entertainment. I want to be someone who thinks. Someone who doesn't get themselves tied up in thought-circles.
I don't want to make pain and dissapointment into a bigger deal than they are. And I don't want to confuse good times and success for some devine blessing.
I am a man. Lavished with something I could not earn, that I might gain what I can never lose. And that is just kicken!
Monday, January 23, 2006
Between Times
Feeling "in between". Experiencing wonderful changes in family life and my personal heart story. Feel my heart becoming stronger. I do hope this is a time leading to a time after times. Not the kind of change that leaves one stranded, orientationless and alone. Even if it is... Truth is, I am aging. Time can only serve to bring me further to my goal. The question is: am I patient enough? And do I want it enough?
Knowing the goal is what keeps us from getting lost in whatever "everyone else" is doing. I think I am posting here, in order to remind myself of where I'm going. To keep my thoughts moving forward. If I stand still for too long I inevitably regress. It has nothing to do with an actual cessation of forward movement, but rather that everything around me continues moving on, whether I want it to or not. If I am not making progress toward my goal, the logical conclusion is a moving away from my goal.
Goals are elusive in character. They want to be caught but at no small price.
Here I stand between times. I am at a point where I can make a monumental change of direction. To turn more radically toward my goal, or walk away from it, letting it elude me...
That I certainly don't want. Well then...on we go. Run like the wind my goal. I've been chasing you this long. Lead on! I will chase you some more.
Knowing the goal is what keeps us from getting lost in whatever "everyone else" is doing. I think I am posting here, in order to remind myself of where I'm going. To keep my thoughts moving forward. If I stand still for too long I inevitably regress. It has nothing to do with an actual cessation of forward movement, but rather that everything around me continues moving on, whether I want it to or not. If I am not making progress toward my goal, the logical conclusion is a moving away from my goal.
Goals are elusive in character. They want to be caught but at no small price.
Here I stand between times. I am at a point where I can make a monumental change of direction. To turn more radically toward my goal, or walk away from it, letting it elude me...
That I certainly don't want. Well then...on we go. Run like the wind my goal. I've been chasing you this long. Lead on! I will chase you some more.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
The First
It's not about talking because you like to talk. It's about sharing your inner most soul with whoever wants to read. We don't have this kind of interaction anymore. This kind of soul searching. We spend our time in fast-paced conversations of necessity. I need to slow down and think...
That's what my Blog is all about. Slowing down to think. If what you read is interesting, read on. If not...Don't waist your time. You don't have enough to waist. Make your own Blog and take time to think...
That's what my Blog is all about. Slowing down to think. If what you read is interesting, read on. If not...Don't waist your time. You don't have enough to waist. Make your own Blog and take time to think...
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